NEW XANGA!!!

you_meant_nothing

thats it right there ^^^ I got uber bored with this one so yea! LOL

Today I've just got so many emotions taht I'm feeling that I'm not sure which one I'm feeling the most.

I woke up this morning and I had the wierd feeling in my stomach and I knew that today was going to be another awful day. All day long I acted noral and stuf like I'm was happy and I didn't really tell anyone that I was upset and I tried not to let it show because really, I didn't know what I was upset about. Then after school me and Danielle went back to my house so she could work on my hair and stuff to try and get an idea about how she was going to do it for tomorrow, the whole time she was messing with my hair I sat on the floor in front of her and we talked about everything, about Levi, about David, about how I don't know what has been wrong with me, how she doesn't know whether she and Brian are really going to date or not, about how much she loves me and she doesn't ever want me to feel the way I do and how much I love her and how close we are. Somtimes I think how lucky I am to have a best friend like De, she's great, she knows excatly how to cheer me up and make me feel better about myself.

But after she left I started feeling shitty again so I found some money and went down to Casey's and got a pop and the lady that works there goes "I'm gona start shoppin in your closet! You have the cutest clothes!" that really made my whole day, she's such a sweetie, she's like 20 and is really pretty and she knows me by name because I go in there everyday to get a mt dew.

But right now, I really miss David, a lot. I get to see him tomorrow tonight and I'm uber excited!!

Ok, I don't know what my deal is, I'm not sure if I'm happy, sad, depressed, angry, upset, excited....or what. Maybe I'm crazy.....

Oh....a huge reason why I knew today would be shitty, last night I had a dream, it was really wierd here it is-

I dreamt that I died in a car accident with my cousin Phil and Smurfie. We were all really drunk and stuff and someone hit us and the car flipped like 10 times I flew out of the window and was smashed agaisnt a tree and I just instantly died. When Devon found out she went and picked Levi up from his house and they cruised around, then she told him that I died and all he could do was look at her like she was crazy then all of a sudden tears just came out of his eyes, he still had the same look on his face but he had tears rolling down his cheeks. Then Devon pulled over and they sat there talking, he told her how he never got to say he was sorry, and he never got to tell me how much I meant to him.

Ok that was my dream, and right now just thinking about it is making me cry....because I know that isn't how it would be, he'd just think "oh man, she died, thats to bad" he wouldnt cry, or think about what didn't happen, he wouldn't really care. I guess thats just what hurts the most....

Ya so I'm pretty pissed off at Colin.

He told me that he was gona pick up David and take him to church with us so I could see him, and I just got off the phone with Colin and he said that he didn't want to go pick up David anymore because he was depressed about Tiffany, OK! That pisses me off, I know it's kinda self centered but he got my hopes up and he told me that he would do it and now he isn't gona do it. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to deal with it.....

Last night I talked to David on the phone for like 3 hours, god, he's so sweet! He told me that I'm totally beautiful!!! None of my boyfriends have ever told me I was beautiful, just hot, but beautiful is 20 times better than hot! David said that he doesn't want a realtionship based on sex...when he said that, I thought I was going to pass out!! He isn't one of those sex crazed teenage guys and I LOVE that!!

Ok, I'm gona now, I'm pretty upset about not getting to see my baby boy tonight.....

Today was a little bit better I guess.

Last night I talked to Keeley, and I guess she is willing to at least talk to me about this, I hope so much that we can make things better because I just miss her!!

I miss David a bunch!!! *sigh* I can't wait to see him this weekend. Maybe I can sucker Colin into bringing David out here tomorrow night for youth group, the only way I'll go is if David and Colin go too.

I'm getting my hair cut at 4, I think I'm gona do somthing a little different, I really want swoshy bangs! But I doubt they'd look good on me..oh well!

I'm feeling a little bit better I guess.

I'm talking to David on the phone and he is making me feel really good about myself. He told me that I'm so precious to him and that I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever dated....he seems almost to perfect. I really like him, like really really. I'm falling hard for him and I'm starting to get scared because I don't want to mess things up or get hurt like I have before. *sigh* oh well.....